I am increasingly supporting children and young people as well as their parents with school refusal and avoidance. EBSA (emotionally based school avoidance) is on the increase massively and therapists, GPs, Pastoral services and educational settings need to start upping their game with support to parent and child.
Often, parents feel under pressure, misunderstood and not believed over the severity of the school avoidance in their child. This not only impacts on the child, but causes most parents to feel they are losing a grip on helping them with educational expectation and attendance.
It is time schools stopped focusing on "Oh they really need to come in as their attendance figure is low", and ask "What can we do to support you?". Do they actually know the child and know what is causing their EBSA?
What is EBSA exactly?
EBSA is a term that is used to explain children and young people who have a sever difficulty in getting into and attending school.
Why do children struggle?
For some, it can be an avoidant strategy for a particular lesson and for others it can be resisting attending for longer stretches of time. There may be one underlying cause, but as we know, there are often several reasons.
Examples of this can be:
Social anxiety - fear of being teased, isolation, social rejection or simply being lonely.
Anxiety around learning - fear of failure, fear of being teased, letting others down, a bleak future ahead.
Health anxiety - fear of not being well in school and imense worry about it happening there, sensory sensitivities, fear of loss or change.
"Well I just drag them into school, they need tough love."
I actually question what century we are in when I hear this said!
Parents are still being pressured by peers and schools. "Just send them in and we will deal with it". Do we deal with it or enable their child to feel safe and listened to? We teach our children that it is okay to say no when they feel unsafe, yet when it comes to EBSA, it's still often said "Well sorry you don't have a choice", so in theory we send our EBSA children into school in an environment that heightens their anxieties and fear so much that they feel they can't say "Stop, I don't feel safe". Therefore, they shut down and refuse. I don't blame them, do you? They are not being listened to, so what's the point? Schools need to recognise that unmet needs within school lead to EBSA.
So, as parents and teachers, we need to stay calm and try not to shout and force them to go into school because without changing anything, it's likely to make their anxiety worse long term. Children should not be pushed or stopped from seeing friends, this is because friends can be instrumental in helping your child feel connected with school and less isolated.
"What happens if my child keeps refusing to go to school?"
You can ask your school or local childrens services if they can support you with an EARLY HELP & ASSESSMENT PLAN. This brings together all professionals to support your child and help with any difficulties you may be facing.
Resources, recommendations and website suggestions:
annafrend.org (search EBSA)
twinkl.co.uk (report on "Is My Child Just Lazy?")
Tips To Help Survive School Refusal: What I Wish I Knew At the Start- Tara Cameron-Jones | https://www.amazon.co.uk/TIPS-HELP-SURVIVE-SCHOOL-REFUSAL/dp/B08BVY1516